PRUNES

The "dried plum", a staple of nursing homes and bane of those with functioning digestive tracts worldwide. Humorously enough, Sunsweet Growers, producer of 66.6667% of the world's commercially trafficked prunes refuses to call them that. Because prunes just aren't cool. "Dried plums," conversely are all the rage on the street and have been the subject of songs by "hip (non-replaced variety)" artists such as:

On days when ma poop just come out half-way, I eat dried plums - 50 Cent
Party in the Prune S. A. - Miley Cyrus (released in Europe as "Party in the Poo S.A.)
Granny's Prunehdise - Coolio
Electric Laxativation - A Tribe Called Quest
Prune Boy - Rihanna

Regardless of the musical merit of the aforementioned artists, prunes fit damned well on a spoon. Furthermore, there's a way to make prunes even more spoonable: prune butter. You heard me, not bune putter, but prune butter.

The Western intestines inside of you probably just tied themselves into a pretzel (BEWARE: Hard pretzels are NOT a spoonable snack. Soft pretzels are another story...), but prune butter is fairly popular in Eastern Europe, where its called lekvar. Prune butter simply takes all of the deliciously sweet tartness of prunes and breaks them out of their slimy, wrinkled, oldagehome skin. And puts them in a versatile, spoonable paste. Think the perfect compliment to cut the buttery indulgence of a pastry crust. Or the consummate medium to smear all over... well anything... Let your sick, sick, non-Soviet Bloc mind do the imagining.

Lekvar is nature's eat-out-of-the-jar icing, sans trans fats, unnatural pastel color, and grittiness. Yup, an all-natural sugar high you can make in a pot. Or pan. And eat with a spoon. Allow me to ask you the following question:

Why in the spoon not give it a whirl?



Thought so.


MAXIMUM PRUNAGE FOREVER!

FRUIT SOUP

Spoontrivia:

The NASA Mars Rover went to the "red planet" equipped with THIS utensil to sample soil and other substances:

A) FORK
B) KNIFE
C) NAPKIN
D) SPOON


Spoonswer: If you answered A, B, or C, collect your prize by clicking on the small red "X" at the top right-hand corner of your screen. If you answered D, continue reading. (Note, this is the only point in the post where you get to "pick your own ending," and you have just pulled spoonscalibur from the rock as well as slain the dragon).


To spoonerize, even the most advanced technology we send into the icy reaches of space relies on spoons to sample that which is new and exciting. Thus, we should all take a page from the Mars Rover book (not the one where it gets inextricably stuck in the Martian Mud) and try something cool with a spoon - in this case FRUITY and cool.


Just to clarify: Fruit soup is NOT a smoothie. Far from it. It is not served in places where iron is "pumped". It is not served in foam cups by a chain with the word "King" in its name. But it IS usually chilled, always awesome, devilishly delicious, and especially eaten with a spoon.


Fruit soup DOES come in a variety of awesome and tantalizing flavors. Such as "Fresh Summer Berries," "Brandied Peach," "Apple Cider with Cinnamon Dumplings," and "Citrus Gazpacho."
(Salivation courtesy of http://fp.enter.net/~rburk/soups/fruitsoups/fruitsoups.htm).

Similarly, fruit soup is refreshing, wholesome, nutritious, and have I mentioned it's your spoon's best friend? Because it is. And it can be yours too. But only if you didnt answer A, B, or C.


In Spoonclusion:

Fruit Soup, Fruit Soup,
You can eat it with a spoon!
If you tried it with a fork
You'd just be a loon.
Make it, try it,
It's pretty darn good.
You'll be the most bumpin' WASP
In da whole fruity hood.


MAXIMUM SPOONAGE 4EVA!

THINGS THAT COME IN A PIE CRUST, PART I

Once upon a time during the holiday season, an innocent blog author had a nasty run-in with a container of plain-flavored skyr. A weeklong coma and lots of chest hair later, he returned to the world completely unchanged and prepared to post again.

Thus, as a crappy consolation prize for remaining loyal followers in my absence, I present you with a very vague and all-encompassing topic! (Hurray!)(Metal band kicks into SPOONAGE OR DEATH theme)


Grand soliloquies aside, I present you with the following symposium of spoonery:



Friends, Americans, Spoonwielders, Lend me your plates!



Due to the fact that just about anything can be thrown into some cockamamie crust or another, I have made the executive decision to delicately separate (with spoon not scalpel) this broad topic into two distinct posts. One savory. One sweet. BOTH SPOONTASTIC!

To start with the main course and work our way to dessert, hairs will be split (again, with a razor sharp spoon) into two more categories: Pie fillings with eggs in them and pie fillings without eggs in them.

Pie Fillings With Eggs in Them:

Quiche. Yes, its French, but its about as in-your-face as the French can get while still being deliciously delightful (snails take it too far). In fact, what better way to use a spoon than to delicately divide a bite-sized bit of piping hot quiche with the perfect proportion of crust:filling and deliver it unto your watering mouth all in one fell swoop of efficacy? Thought so. In fact, the reason the French resistance began to operate during the Second World War was that Nazi officials in Paris demanded to be served quiche with a fork and knife. And sausage with sauerkraut. Even the French would not stand for that.


Pie Fillings With No Eggs in Them:

Things that are not quiche: Shepard's pie. Pot Pie. Tamale Pie. So many eggless fillings. So little time. And but one utensil with which to properly consume them. Outrageous? I think not. More like utterly utilitarian. (Many spoonfuls of kudos to the first person who can copy and paste the wiki of who that many is in the comments of this blog)


SO, IN SPOONCLUSION: Maximum Cuiller Sans Cesse y Vive La Quiche!