SKYR

Deep in the hellish depths of a "gourmet" supermarket, aloft above the fires on a refrigerated shelf, floats the spoonfood of the Norse gods. Skyr. Skwhat? Yes, skyr (skeer). Not to be confused with a skewer, the antithesis of spoon, skyr is a creamy cheese (arguably yogurt) of scandanavian origin that comes in a variety of all-natural fruity flavors. It also happens to be fat-free, very low in sugar, and super high in protein. Which is the exact opposite of the crappy store brand yogurt you're probably defacing a spoon with at this very moment.

So why isn't skyr just a yuppy version of yogurt? For one, it was invented by Vikings. Everybody knows that anything ever touched by a Viking causes violent twitching and sudden death to everything that is young, urban, or professional. Similarly, skyr is produced in extremely limited quantities, mostly in Iceland.

So then, how do you know that I'm not making all this spoonrific stuff up about the most-awesomely named Nordic spoonmat (spoonfood in Icelandic)? Well, this very afternoon, inspired by the conquests of Eric and Asvuld, two companions and I set out on a spoonquest of our own. The brand of Skyr we sampled, Siggi's, is dedicated to raping and pillaging all that is artificial, sugary, and non-spoonable. Hellz yea (Nordic spelling). Siggi's also comes in gaman bragðtegundir (Icelandic for SPOONTASTIC flavors), like COLD STEEL SPOON OF DEATH, and THOR's SPOON. And also grapefruit, acai, and vanilla. My comrades sampled passionfruit and pomegranate (one awesome flavor of yuppy doom), as well as blueberry, whilst I tried Orange and Ginger (another single flavor of minivan death).


Here, spoons in hand, we set off on our quest for blood, gold, and SKYR!




TO DRAMATIC MUSIC: IN SPOONCLUSION The first spoonful of skyr to enter my mouth was interesting. The second was Valhalla. And it just got more spoontastic from there. Skyr is a boatfull of smelly Norsemen better than it sounds (a questionable cheese/yogurt with a long history of kicking butt). Plus, when it comes in flavors that actually taste good (without any darn chemicals and just pure pillage), why the spoon would you not try it?



!hámark spoonage eilífu!

Note: This spoonmat is approved by Jason Dougherty, World Minister of Awesome.